Connect The Stars, Dot By Blazing Dot
by Pandora's Teapot
Summary: The Enterprise has been sent into a mission from which it is unlikely to return. Our brave Captain leads his crew courageously, but secretly struggles with his fear of losing Spock. On the planet below, discoveries are made that both remind and reinforce the bond between Kirk and his Vulcan first officer. Space battles, genetic engineering, plus the usual Kirk/Spock fluff!
1. Scattered Bonds

**1. Scattered Bonds**

There had been a strange silence lingering between them all day. Spock had caught the eye of his captain numerous times and James T. Kirk had responded with a reassuring smile that should have set things right. But his eyes betrayed him. Starfleet Command was sending the Enterprise right into the middle of an impossible war. The risks were high and the likelihood of success low – 276'000'000 to 1, according to Spock's calculations. The mission may as well have been suicide.

Kirk had never feared for his life, although slight apprehension before any dangerous mission was not uncommon to him. This is what he lived for: space exploration, adventure, the risks and thrills. If he was going to die then by Hell it was going to be on his starship. Yes, the Enterprise is where he would fall, by the side of his First Officer, his Vulcan, his Spock. But Starfleet had overridden his command this time, demanding not only that Captain Kirk remain on the bridge throughout the course of the mission, but also that Commander Spock be the one to lead the guerilla team onto the hostile and warring planet they now headed towards with unnerving speed. Starfleet had insisted that the delicate task of disabling the planets central computers and effectively shutting down a weapon more devastating than the Genesis device could only be undertaken by the likes of the highly skilled Vulcan science officer. Kirk had fought to be permitted to join the landing party, but Starfleet denied him, the Enterprise needed its captain. It's captain, who held in his mind the various codes and secrets of the Federation, it's captain, whose capture by an enemy of such magnitude could not be risked.

It was a hopeless situation from all angles. To save two worlds and disarm a weapon capable of consuming whole galaxies, Captain Kirk was forced to risk almost certain death, uncompromisingly separated from Spock. Spock – that heat-filled, graceful creature that commanded so much of his life that Kirk could not help but love him. The thought robbed him of breath for a moment, a pang of something painful tightening in his chest. Spock glanced over at him from the other side of the chess board.

"Captain?" he asked in his smooth, measured voice. Kirk shook his head slowly, his eyes falling to the table.

"Don't do that Spock," he said, his voice wavering slightly. With a sharp sigh, James Kirk rose from his seat and headed for his bed, flopping down with a longer, drawn out breath. Spock stared at him for a moment, analyzing the human gestures carefully. Then, when he had made his deduction and decided on a course of action, the Vulcan rose. Carefully, he took a glass from a nearby cabinet and poured the rich scented alcohol that his captain favoured into it.

"Jim."

Kirk's eyes opened slowly to fall upon Spock, offering him the glass. He smiled and gratefully accepted the gesture, sitting to pour the alcohol down his throat in a single, swift motion before falling backwards again. Spock took his glass from him and set it down on the table. Humans were most illogical creatures.

"I'm sorry Spock," Kirk apologized gently, "I just…I don't want you to call me 'captain' right now."

Spock raised his eyebrow slightly, his dark eyes searching Kirk with something slightly softer than his usual Vulcan inquiry. It was clear to him that the captain suffered a great weight, while he himself subdued similar burdens. Sometimes, Spock reminded himself, it was all too easy for a Vulcan to forget the workings of the human heart. His captain needed him. With all the elegant grace of a shadow at dawn, Spock slid onto the bed, taking Kirk's hand and lifting him into an embrace. Jim Kirk grasped at the blue jumper that was Spock's uniform, burying his face into it and absorbing the warmth that emanated from the Vulcan.

"There is no need to apologise Jim," Spock assured him gently, cradling Kirk's head and stroking his golden locks of hair, "I quite understand."

Kirk sighed again and Spock felt some of the tension in Jim released as the captain let his weight fall against him. Despite his seemingly effortless emotional control, Spock had indeed sensed – even felt! – the gravity of the oncoming mission. He knew – perhaps even better than Kirk – that his return to the Enterprise was not only unlikely, improbable and not to be expected, but that it would also be futile. As soon as the central computers were disabled, the Enterprise would fall under attack from two fronts whose weaponry was far more advanced than anything Scotty could come up with. Spock knew it would be a battle of near impossible proportions to save the ship and its crew. He recalled with…frustrating…clarity the human saying, 'a captain always goes down with his ship.'

"Spock. About the mission…it will be…"

"Dangerous. I am aware of the risks, Jim."

"Yes, I'm sure you are."

"Why then do you mention it, Jim?"

The gentle tone of his voice provoked a surge of emotion in Kirk. It was a rare and often fleeting occurrence to hear such a tone from Spock. Still clinging tightly, Jim lifted his eyes to meet the Vulcan. Spock's eyes were dark, as always, and deep with the intelligence behind them. But Kirk saw an unusual shadow in those eyes tonight, a dull sadness and perhaps an uncertain desire to shed his Vulcan control and weep with his captain. No, Kirk reminded himself, Spock wouldn't allow it. Not even for him.

"Tell me Spock," Kirk asked, his blue eyes hinting a certain desperation, "tell me something logical to ease the things I feel, tell me how a Vulcan reasons with inevitability. Tell me how you are coping with this Spock, I need to know."

Jim's hands released his First Officer and found their way to Spock's face, cupping them against his delicately narrow cheeks. The Vulcan, silently lowering the shades that hid his emotions, took the captain's hands and let his head fall forward until his forehead pressed softly against Jim's. An almost undetectable sigh mingled with a low murmur passed Spock's lips as their tips of their noses brushed together softly. The sensation sent waves of euphoria shooting through Jim's spine as though it were the column of energy that had beamed him up and down, back and forth so many times. Spock had a way of transporting him, even just for a few moments, out of the burdens and tribulations of starship captaincy. Without realizing, Jim had begun to weep softly, his tears cooling his cheek from the heat of the Vulcan's skin against it. He let himself succumb to the light pressure of each soft kiss that Spock now pressed against his temple.

"It is illogical to assume an absolute where there is still as little as 0.001% chance in ones favour. It is illogical to succumb to defeat when one considers that even a slight chance is a real chance, for nothing unreal exists. It is logical to take into consideration the skill and experience of the crew as a potential variable to my initial calculations," Spock crooned, his words punctuated by fleeting kisses, "despite the accuracy of logical calculation, this crew, you it's captain, and I it's commander have overcome unfavourable chances at an average rate of 79.255% of occurrences."

Kirk smiled. How was it that Spock's logic comforted him so much? It had always been that way, having the Vulcan on-board was an inexplicable relief not only to the captain, but the entire crew. Slowly, he let his lips brush against Spock's neck and over his jaw, lingering at the very edge of his silken lips. The ripple of electricity that surged through Spock pleased Jim to no ends. He knew what the Vulcan felt, he knew that he could make him feel. Spock hid nothing from him

"I don't want to let you go," Kirk whispered, "I don't want to lose you."

"Nor I you. It is…illogical, this mission. "

"I know."

It hit heavily, as though space had suddenly lost its vast weightlessness. Jim Kirk found himself locked in the strength of Spock's embrace and barely realized that he had flung his own arms around the Vulcan, gripping onto him tightly. They pulled one another close, as though attempting to meld body as well as mind, fingers clawing for a tighter grip. Spock, despite himself, let a wave of grief pass over him as he transferred his energy into Jim's mind. It was the only way he knew how to assure the human of his love. Gently prying himself slightly from Jim's grip, Spock placed a hand against the captain's face, stroking his thumb tenderly against the soft, human skin. He looked deep into the eyes of his captain, seeking the place where their minds could be joined as one. He knew he had found it when Jim ceased to be before him and became instead a part of Spock's very own being.

_Jim?_

_Spock._

_Jim._

_Are we in your mind or mine?_

_Neither and both at the same time. Give me your feelings Jim…share with me._

_I…I'm afraid Spock…_

_I am here. Show me._

_I don't want to die without you, can't do it, did all that I could, wasn't meant to be like this, Spock I can't, don't go, would do anything for you, wanted to die with you, can't live without you, Spock, disobey command, come with you, I am the captain, my ship, please don't leave, Spock? Spock, where are you? I need you Spock, where are you?_

_Jim, I am here. I have you in my arms and in my mind. I am here._

_I know. I can feel you._

_T'hy'la._

_Oh Spock…yes, t'hy'la. You know I am. T'hy'la._

_Jim. James._

_Say it again…_

_James._

_Spock I want to…_

_What is it Jim?_

_Can't you see?_

_Yes…I see. Jim…you do not know what you ask._

Spock removed his touch, breaking the meld. He watched as Jim regained himself, staring intensely into the eyes of his human uncertainly. Quickly, Kirk met his gaze with all the strength and sincerity that made him the captain of the ship. He had let the Vulcan see his fears and his heart just as he had been permitted access to Spock. Now, he held the eyes of his second in command, waiting.

"You…wish to bond with me?" Spock asked softly, cautiously. He knew that Jim had always used his position as captain to ensure that in the most dangerous of missions, they were at least together. That had always been enough. But now, on the verge of certain death, separation was an unbearable prospect and James Kirk realized that he wanted more.

"You have never asked me, all this time Spock, but I knew it was what you wanted," Kirk confessed sincerely, "I have left it too long and now…well, this may be the last chance I have. It may be the last time I ever have you again. We only have a few hours more, I owe you years Spock…"

"James, you owe me nothing, you have given me everything," Spock replied, grasping Jim's hands. He lifted them to his lips and kissed them. "You are my t'hy'la Jim, for that and all of our years together, I am grateful."

"Spock. Bond with me," Jim pressed, his eyes flooding with sincerity, "if not for yourself then for me. I want to be yours and to call you mine, even if it ends up only being for a few hours before we lose each other entirely."

"You are making assumptions of certain death, Jim."

For a long moment, Spock searched Kirk's eyes. He had shared three pon farrs with his captain since their relationship transcended friendship and brotherhood. Countless times they had almost lost one another and countless times they had moved the very stars to avoid it. Jim was correct, there was nothing Spock had wanted more than to bond with him, but to bond with a Vulcan was to ask a lot of a human partner. He felt Jim's touch on his hand, tracing his index finger. Images passed between them, exchanged back and forth until it was hard for Jim to tell which were his own.

"Are you certain?" Spock asked. Jim took his hand and pressed their palms together, the sudden connection with Spock overwhelming him for a moment. He felt the arm of the Vulcan coil around him, holding him close. Kirk gasped, breatheless.

"Jim, this will not be easy for you," Spock warned, squeezing Kirk's hand gently.

"I'm certain," Jim whispered against Spock's ear, letting his chin rest on the shoulder of the Vulcan. Spock paused for a moment before gently squeezing Kirk's hand again. He shuffled backwards, carefully maneuvering Jim to sit in his lap. Slowly, he curled his index and forefingers around Jim's, straightening them out with a gentle brushing motion. Their eyes met, as though fixed together by a gravitational pull.

"Spock?"

"Yes Jim?"

"Can I…well, do you mind if…"

"Of course."

As Kirk leant forward to kiss the Vulcan, Spock pressed their fingertips together. Time seemed to slow as flesh connected, burned, melted together. In his mind, Jim could see the delicate threads of tissue that made he and Spock unravel to nothing before gradually weaving back together as a single, whole and luminous being. He felt himself connected to Spock in every way. Slowly, the most hidden recesses of the Vulcan's soul were revealed to him, deep pools of suppressed emotion now entirely available to Jim Kirk. He had never known that Spock held so much from him, the scope of the Vulcan's control now apparent to Jim in all of its magnitude. No wonder the Vulcan people had found peace through logic, such depth and intensity of emotion would be otherwise difficult to control. The history of Vulcan became clear to Kirk now, they had indeed once been passionate people on the verge of self destruction until logic had cooled their hearts. How Jim longed now to know the feverish surge of those passions, the very same that surfaced in Spock without fail every seven years. Some things truly were inescapable.

Like their bonding, now.

Spock had never revealed so much of himself to a bond-mate before. T'Pring had never held as much of him as James Kirk did. There had been other women too – Leila and Zarabeth – who had intrigued him, but it had always felt like a madness followed by guilt. Nyota Uhura had loved him and he had cautiously returned her affections for a while. But Uhura was so, so human and she longed for human things. Indeed, aside from his mother, Spock had never known a human woman capable of coping with the Vulcan coolness for long. They longed for love and though Spock had loved her, he could not and would not show it. Strangely, their parting had not caused him undue grief. But James T. Kirk was something else all together. He was pleasantly human, strong and full of human ego. But he did not need constant reminders of love, only constant loyalty from the Vulcan. That was something that Spock could offer without hesitation or compromise.

The world twisted and contorted around them, reforming itself anew. It was no longer a separate world around the captain, but a unified world around him and Spock, together. At first Jim was alarmed, he felt claustrophobic, as though his personal space had been invaded. But as he adjusted to the presence of his Vulcan lover in his world, he grew remarkably at ease with the sensation. Indeed, he clung to it as though it may suddenly vanish and leave him feeling empty and alone. Jim had never realized how alone he had felt in his own skin until now. He wondered how that sensation must have felt to Spock after T'Pring had broken their bond and the thought hurt him deeply, it had never occurred to him and Spock had coped with it…alone.

"Shhh, calm yourself James," Spock whispered gently in his ear, "such things no longer matter."

With perfect clarity, Spock sensed the tumult of emotion that was rising in Jim Kirk. Bonding was a deeply emotional experience for Vulcans, let alone humans. He knew that Jim did not fully understand how the simple touching of two fingers could draw them so close. He was human, he needed other things. Spock was aware of the desperation and longing that drove the deep, plunging kisses that his captain offered and he was content to return them with all the love and care Jim needed. Bonding was overwhelming for humans, the sheer intensity of it could plunge them into deep depressions for weeks, months on end.

"Jim, tell me what you need," Spock lulled in a voice so soft and low it was barely audible. The captain reluctantly broke away to meet the gaze of the Vulcan. His human eyes were awash with feelings, startling bright and chaotic in a way that captured Spock's attention completely. Even a new planet viewed from space or the magnificent display of an ionic storm couldn't match the beauty of those oh-so human eyes. Jim did not need to answer. Like so many times before, the captain to spoke to his first officer with a simple look that told Spock everything he needed to know. Without breaking the gaze, Spock slowly leant forward, pushing Jim backwards onto the bed and crawling over him. Jim shivered as the pulses of electric shocks ran through him.

"Fascinating…" Spock exclaimed, brushing his fingers down Jim's neck and observing the waves and ripples that affected his flesh. Jim smiled his usual, charming smile, eyes burning again with all the cunning and sharpness that made him a starship captain.

"What, me?" he played. Spock was confused only for a split moment before picking up on that ever confounding human tendency towards pretence. It made Jim laugh, a response that always put Spock at ease. Swiftly, Jim clutched Spock's shoulders and rolled, flipping the Vulcan beneath him instead. Spock did not mind or resist.

"Jim, as much as I regret to dampen the moment," Spock said, his voice measured as always but the tone slightly lower, gentler, "I must remind you that we have only 2.271 hours remaining before beam down."

Kirk brushed his fingers across the perfect cheek of the Vulcan. He smiled sadly, taking in every miniscule detail of Spock with all the clarity of Vulcan bonding. He could feel Spock and see every part of him like he never had before. He was with Spock and of Spock and Spock was of him. They were one.

"Then I suggest making the most of what time we have," he said, pressing his thumb gently against the lips of the Vulcan. Spock's eyes seemed to fall deeper and deeper, swallowing the captain alive in his stare, as he planted a kiss on Jim's thumb.

"A most logical suggestion."

"Bridge to Captain Kirk, acknowledge -"

"Kirk here-"

"Captain, we have entered the planet's orbit and are ready to beam down the landing party on your command, sir."

"Acknowledge. Standby. Kirk out."

Spock felt the captain's body tense in his arms. Despite his own conflict with the inevitability of separation and potentially death, he tightened his embrace, stroking Jim's arm to comfort him. Kirk let out a staggered breath as he shifted back into the position he had slept in before the communication had woken him. He pressed himself close against Spock, slowly lifting his eyes. There was very little change in the Vulcan's expression, but there was a change, so subtle that no human would have noticed. Except James Kirk.

"Spock…"

Jim stifled his urge to cry by thrusting a rough kiss against Spock's lips, his hands grasping greedily at the smooth, black hair and narrow cheeks. He pressed his forehead against Spock's, drawing in the spicey Vulcan scent of him. The tears were coming, hammering hot at the corners of his eyes, demanding to be released. No, Kirk admonished himself, no. He would be strong for Spock, he would not cry and send his love away with memories of tears. With all his strength, Jim smiled, kissing Spock again, gently this time.

"Jim – James – in the event that I do not return," Spock began, but Kirk cut him off.

"No. You will return," he said fiercely, "I command it Spock. You come back to me."

"I want nothing more," Spock replied sincerely, his voice tainted with something Jim had never heard before, "but I can make no such promise to you."

"I know Spock," Jim admitted weakly, breaking free of the Vulcan's embrace only to wrap his arms around Spock, cradling his head against his own chest. Spock could hear Jim's heart beating…it was more rapid than usual.

"I don't want you to be alone, Jim," Spock confided quietly, "I want to give you my katra so that if anything happens – to either of us – you will not be alone. It is a logical choice, but it is also one of…"

"Feeling,Spock?" Jim offered, knowing the Vulcan would struggle to say it.

"Yes."

"But what about you, Spock? I don't want you to be alone either."

"Jim, a Vulcan is never without his bond-mate," Spock said, his tone brighter and full of something that, had Kirk not known him better, resembled happiness, "I will take you with me wherever I go."

"Okay Spock," Jim whispered, pressing a light kiss against the pointed tip of Spock's ear, "if it is truly what you want, I would be honoured to accept your katra."

"It is what I want Jim," Spock promised, his fingers coursing their way through the blonde hair of his captain, "it is yours already. It always has been."

Spock stepped onto the deck of the transporter. He could hear the low hum of energy as it waited to be released, energizing the matter that made him and materializing it on the planet surface below. A team of four stood behind him, their anxiety pronounced and infectious. Scotty stood at the controls, ready and waiting for the captains order. Doctor Bones Mcoy was making his final checks of the team, his eyes brushing over Spock with a certain hesitation.

"Spock, I err…well, I mean…look you just take care of yourself down there okay. Doctor's orders."

"Doctor," Spock responded calmly, "you have my word."

Without thinking, Bones grasped the Vulcan's hand, clutching it tight between his own. Spock realized suddenly that the good doctor was trying to express his concern and grief. He had not noticed, his mind was elsewhere. Not wishing to upset the sentimental human, Spock relented for once, placing his spare hand on the doctors and patting it reassuringly.

"Thank you Doctor Mcoy," he said sincerely, "I understand. You have been and ever shall be in my thoughts."

Bones stared at Spock for a long moment before nodding and offering a brief smile. He let go of the Vulcan and turned away quickly to exit the transporter room. As he did so, the captain entered. Bones locked eyes with him briefly as Kirk passed him. His eyes darted from Kirk to Spock and back to Kirk. He knew it would be a difficult farewell. On the verge of an emotional display he knew the Vulcan would point out as highly illogical, Mcoy retreated to the sickbay.

"Transporter ready, Captain," Scotty declared in his rich Scottish accent, "ready to beam down when you are sir."

"Thank you Scotty," Kirk replied, "stand-by."

His eyes fell to Spock. More than anything, Jim Kirk wanted to rush into his embrace and beg him to stay. They could disobey orders, lose the ship, be renegades together, couldn't they? He knew what Spock would say: illogical. Starfleet would not let them get away with it so easily. He looked into the eyes of his Vulcan, saying so much silently, as they so often did. Spock returned his sentiment, masked as it was by his Vulcan ways.

"Mr Spock," Kirk said, struggling to hide the pain in his voice, "come back to us. That's an order."

Spock nodded once, slowly, his eyes never falling from the captain's.

"Yes captain."

"Spock!"

There was a silence that seemed to engulf the transporter room, to Kirk, there was nothing but he and the Vulcan, his t'hy'la, his bond-mate.

"Captain," Spock offered cautiously, hiding anything that might hint the things he felt, "live long and prosper."

The tears began to well in Kirk's eyes, but he fought them back. With clenched fists, he prepared himself. His eyes never left Spock as he gave the order.

"Energize."

And in a glimmer of pure energy, the deep eyes that held him were gone. Spock was gone. Scotty left the transporter room, sensing that the captain needed a moment alone. But Jim Kirk wasn't alone. He could feel it in his heart and soul, he held part of Spock with him, his katra, his living spirit. They were bound as one. With a deep breath, Kirk swallowed his tears.

"Live long and prosper Spock."


	2. The Trade

**2. The Trade**

The captain appeared on the bridge, his presence emanating all the strength and determination that he was renowned for. With quick, darting looks from his piercing eyes, he surveyed each present member of his crew. He had selected his very best officers for this mission, he knew he would need them. At the navigation terminal, Ensign Palov Chekov was busily setting multiple co-ordinates into the computer should they need a tactical escape route or two. Beside him, Lt Hikaru Sulu manned the helm. To the right of the captain, Lt Nyota Uhura was concentrating on the myriads of signals that came from the planet below. Doctor Bones Mcoy was ready and waiting in sickbay for the inevitable casualities and Lieutenant Commander Scott was already hard at work down on the engineering deck.

Kirk could sense the apprehension on the bridge even as his eyes reluctantly fell upon the empty post where his first officer usually sat. In the hours before Spock and the landing team had beamed down to the planet surface, the crew had been preoccupied with concern for their Vulcan crewmate. But now, Spock was no longer among them and their own plight had become impossible to ignore. No alert had been issued by the captain, but every officer on board was already at their battle station.

"I have asked the crew of this ship to perform above and beyond the call of duty more times than I can recall," Kirk began, addressing the bridge, "and I must ask this of you again. There is not a man among you that I do not trust with my life. This is going to be no easy mission and I can't promise we'll make it out of this one. But I can think of no hands more capable to give it one hell of a chance. If the Enterprise is to go down, then it will have been an honour to have served with each and every one of you. But until that time, I expect nothing short of your very best."

"Aye, sir," came the hushed chorus of officers. Kirk gave an affirmative nod and, the pep talk over, took his place in the captains seat. He refused to let his eyes wander to the science terminal again, the Enterprise and her crew was his concern now, not Spock. It had to be.

"Status report-" Kirk demanded.

"Orbiting Xie-Re, the smaller but more technologically advanced of the two planets, for three point zero six hours, Captain," Chekov responded, "the second planet, Armana12, approximately four point two six hours away at warp 4."

"Helmsman-" Kirk prompted, wanting to know the precise circumstances of his ship. Mr Sulu, still busy monitoring the ship's orbit, didn't turn or even remove his eyes from the console before him to respond.

"Cloaking devices initiated and maintained since entering planetary orbit, Captain. All weapons primed and on standby."

"Good to know Mr Sulu. Communications-"

"All outgoing frequencies jammed as ordered Captain," Uhura informed him, "I'm monitoring all signals travelling to and from both planets sir, so far they seem oblivious to our presence as well as the landing party."

Relief washed over Kirk for a split second, he stifled the deep sigh just in time. Cautiously, he glanced back at Uhura, trying to read her expressions. Like him, she had once loved Spock too. Kirk wondered if she thought of him now, if she harboured some remnant of that feeling. Recognising the pang of jealousy, Kirk quickly ushered the thought away and returned his attention to the task at hand. Besides, Spock had chosen him. Spock had wanted James T. Kirk.

As always with his crew, everything was as it should be. The enterprise was a secret hovering in space, patiently, tensely awaiting the return of its guerilla crew. There was little more that could be done, they had only to wait. Kirk paused for a moment, letting his thoughts check and cross check every detail of priming the Enterprise for battle. Had he missed anything? No. He never missed anything. Cloaking device was in operation, weapons on standby, Scotty ready in engineering to give him that miracle burst of power if and when it was needed. He had missed nothing. Just like he hadn't missed the first time Spock had held his breath when the captain embraced him…or the first time he had felt the Vulcan's heart speed up then skip a beat when Jim had kissed him. Or the look in Spock's endlessly dark eyes the night Jim had said 'I love you'. It was a look that spoke volumes, as though the neglected, parched human half of the Vulcan had taken a gulp of cool water.

Kirk let himself fall into the daydream. It eased the tense silence that had engulfed the bridge and the deep wells of worry and concern that ate away at him. Slowly, reluctantly, he headed back into reality, this was no time for dreaming. Spock would call such behavior illogical, and so would he. Kirk was about to order further information about the planets below to pass the time productively when, suddenly and without warning, it hit him somewhere deep in his mind like a flash of torchlight shone in his eyes. Spock! He could sense his presence down there, alive and well! Just as the Vulcan had promised him, Kirk could feel Spock with him, in the deepest recesses of his mind. Jim knew Spock was thinking about him at this very moment. The thought was comforting, but also frustratingly keen. It seemed to tug at him, impossible to push aside for even a moment.

"_I should be down there!_" Kirk hissed under his breath, his fingertips grasping the arms of the chair tightly. He paused for a moment, thinking. Then, decided, he pushed the communication button beside him.

"Scotty-"

"Scott here, captain-"

"How busy are you down there?"

"Busy as can be exp'cted Captain, but n'thing the boys canno' handle without me. What can I do for you?"

Kirk stroked his chin thoughtfully, he knew it was a long shot and they wouldn't be able to keep it up for long without being detected from one of the planets below. He knew he could be inviting a premature attack and potentially endangering the mission, but if he didn't try he knew the chances of retrieving Spock and the landing team was next to impossible. He had to try.

"Scotty, I want you in the transporter room," Kirk commanded, "I want you to scan and record the co-ordinates of the landing party every three minutes. Don't lose them Scotty. When that central computer goes down, lock onto them and beam them aboard immediately, whether it is requested or not."

"Captain – scans like that will be leaving us open to detection…"

"I know Scotty. Every three minutes, as discreetly as possible."

"Yes Captain. Sir – what if Mr Spock needs more time? I wouldn't want t' beam him up to soon."

"The commander knows his orders Scotty," Kirk said shortly, "the second the computer goes down, Spock comes up. That's an order. Kirk out."

"Understood Captain. Scott out."

Though he often seemed it, Kirk was not oblivious to the passing glances of his officers, and now was no exception. He had very possibly just blown their well planned element of surprise. But the sudden drop in tension on the bridge spoke volumes to Kirk. He knew that – whether or not it was tactically a good decision – the crew was relieved to know that the captain was trying to bring Spock home.

The central computer located on Xie-Re crashed suddenly and violently three hours after Kirk gave the command to scan the landing party. Within seconds, the Enterprise was rocked by a massive impact of phaser blast from the Armana12 planet surface. The vibrations rattled the bridge, hurling officers around like rag dolls. As stability returned, they picked themselves up and returned diligently to their posts to determine the cause and damage.

"Status report!" Kirk demanded urgently. Figures were coming at him from all directions. He had learnt not to register who said them, only to recall what each vital fact meant: Port side impact from direct hit…phaser capacity much more superior…losing power to lower decks and warp drive…frequencies jammed with static, no communication from planet…casualties on decks 2 and four.

"Scotty- "

"Scott here Captain, they must've picked up the scanning signal sir! But they hid it 'til the last minute."

"Do you have them Scotty?"

"Negative Captain, I lost Mr Spock and the landing party when they hit us. I've got t' get to engineering sir, we're losing power from everywhere!"

"Do what you have to Scotty. Kirk out."

Beads of sweat were glistening on the captain's forehead. He had hoped – in his most ideal predictions – to have Spock and the landing party beamed aboard as quickly as possible followed by a hasty retreat before the Enterprise was damaged beyond repair and lives were lost. That hope was fading further into the realm of unlikelihood. He would not – could not – retreat while Spock and his crewmen were still down there. But the Enterprise had been taken by surprise and lay wounded in orbit around a hostile planet with an equally hostile neighbor.

"Captain-" Uhura said urgently, her voice beckoning Kirk's attention, "I'm getting a communication from Armana12. They wish to speak with you."

"On screen."

At the push of a button, the viewer that presently showed Xie-Re flickered for a moment before revealing the noble face of a humanoid man. His deep set features and stern countenance told Kirk that he was more than just a leader, he was a warrior. With perfect poise, confidence and strength, Kirk addressed the Armanan.

"This is Captain James T. Kirk of the starship Enterprise,"

"Greetings Captain Kirk," said the man in a low, resonate voice, "I am Atenus, King and warlord of Armana12. I must thank you Captain for the skilled hands you have leant us."

"Explain yourself," Kirk demanded.

"Long have we sought to disable the powerful weapon of Xie-Re but been unable, for their technologies are far more advanced than our own," Atenus explained dramatically, "then along you came Captain with your starship so well hidden from us all and your clever, clever Vulcan."

Jim Kirk swallowed the surge of fear that suddenly swelled in his chest, letting it sink and boil in his stomach where it was at least hidden from Atenus and indeed, from his own crew. It only took a split second to pause and consult that part of his mind that had flashed Spock's presence to him earlier. _I am here, James _it said _I am alive._ It was enough to restore Kirk's confidence.

"Return my men and we will leave you to your war," Kirk offered in a tone that was uncompromisingly straightforward. He knew a man like Atenus would not appreciate pretense.

"Captain, I sense that the Vulcan is of some importance to you," Atenus said, his manner menacingly light, "I'd like you to see some of the customs of Armana12 before we negotiate any further."

With that, the viewer screen flickered again and reappeared to show a cold, steel room with no doors or windows in sight. An empty metal box, the room was completely unfurnished save for the four steel slabs in the center, and upon each a man was restrained, men who wore Starfleet uniforms. Kirk watched helplessly, fists clenched. He heard Uhura gasp and noticed that Chekov had clung to the navigation console, but his attention was undividedly upon the viewer and his men. A small gap appeared in one of the cold silver walls and through it came four men each clad in the same sterile, metallic uniform that Atenus had worn. They positioned themselves one over each crewman. From their belts, they each removed a small, handheld device with a single button which they held over their charge. And then, with a simple push of that button, an unseen havoc was released upon the crewman, who writhed and screamed in agony, their bodies contorting and desperate to break free of the impenetrable bonds. Kirk gritted his teeth, horror and rage seething within him. Atenus returned to the viewing screen.

"As you see Captain, we no longer have need of primitive weapons such as your ship's phasers," Atenus informed him proudly, "a simple neural scrambler is quite sufficient. Your crewmen will not be killed but they will never function again. They will be rendered to little more than madmen."

"What do you want," Kirk demanded, strong despite his defeat. Atenus smiled, it made Kirk cringe.

"We know much of the Vulcan way, Captain Kirk, we know how much the mind means to them. It is very much like how you humans and we Armanan's see the heart and soul, is it not? It would be such a shame and a waste to subject your Vulcan officer to such torture, wouldn't you agree captain?"

"I'll ask again," Kirk said firmly, his patience wearing thin beneath the grating friction of his fear for Spock, "what do you want?"

"You have done us a great service Captain, the Xie-Rean's have been immobilized. We let you do this before we attacked you, it was a strategic opportunity too good to pass up. For this, I will return your men unharmed. I will even return your Vulcan. But for that one, you will have to give me something. There are many here on Armana who would pay unsurpassable amounts to dissect and study the Vulcan mind."

"Atenus! Enough threats!" Kirk spat, "name your price, what will it take?"

Atenus laughed heartily, slapping his thigh. He appeared to be thoroughly enjoying the game of taunts. As his laughter died down, Kirk noticed the motion Atenus made with his hand to an unseen individual. That motion stunned Kirk, he knew instinctively that it meant something beyond his control was about to happen. He didn't know why he felt it, but he knew how. He was feeling Spock again. Spock knew something was about to happen…to Jim. The realization tumbled over him, consumed him until he felt as though he was no longer there, standing on the bridge with his crew.

"Captain, Scotty here. The landing crew have been beamed aboard sir, Mr Spock is heading for the bridge now," came the thick Scottish accent over the communication system. Sulu realized first and leapt to the captain's chair, pressing the button to respond.

"Scotty – Sulu here. The captain's gone!"

"What do you mean the captain's gone?" Bones demanded. Spock maintained his gaze.

"I mean exactly what I said doctor, the captain is gone," Spock reiterated. Bones flung his hands into the air, exasperated. Leaning against the table in the briefing room, Scotty had been silent and thoughtful as he listened to Spock recount the events as they were reported to him when he arrived on the bridge. One minute, Captain Kirk had been standing at his post, negotiating with the alien-being Atenus then suddenly, he had simply vanished into thin air. At that precise moment, Spock and the landing party had been beamed aboard.

"By all accounts," Scotty finally said in a low, serious voice, "Atenus made his deal with the captain."

Spock nodded once before drawing his hands behind his back and slowly pacing around to the other side of the table. To the other officers present, it simply appeared that Spock was thinking, but in his mind he was searching, calling into the dark depths of space, hoping for an answer from his bond-mate. He stopped and calmly turned to face Doctor Mcoy and Scotty.

"I believe Mr Scott's ascertainment to be accurate, the Armanan wanted something as payment for the safe return of the landing party. I believe that payment was the captain," Spock said.

"But why Spock? What do they want with Jim?" Bones asked in his incredulous, human way. Spock raised his eyebrow slightly before averting his stare thoughtfully, the truth was that he could only theorize. Scotty was shaking his head.

"I don't know, Mr Spock, I heard the communication b'tween the captain and that Atenus. It sounded to me like they were a lot more interested in having a Vulcan than a human. If you don't mind me sayin' so sir, it seems illogical to me – based on what the fellow was saying, I mean - that they'd trade you for the captain."

Spock considered this for a moment. He recalled the events that had occurred over the past twenty four hours. On Xie-Re, the Armanan's had appeared almost too quickly after he had shut down the central computer. They had superior weaponry and had rushed to transport their hostages off the planet and onto their own. As soon as Atenus had recognized him as a Vulcan, he was separated from the crewmen and when he saw them next, they were but wild madmen, husks of their former selves, mindless. There was nothing to learn on Armana12 that could help the captain now. It had been before then that Spock had recalled something that may yet become of use. In the crossing over from the shuttle craft windows, Spock had seen the Enterprise under attack and he remembered how desperately Jim had not wanted to die without him. Spock had been unable to tell if he himself was feeling the emotion humans called fear or if he had tapped into Jim's feelings. Either way, it had unsettled him. He had reached out to the captain with his mind for the second time that day, reassuring him that he was not alone. The Amarnan's saw this somehow, they knew. Perhaps…Spock wondered.

"Gentlemen, if you'll excuse me, I have a theory that I must test," Spock said abruptly, dismissing himself just as suddenly, "Mr Scott – assume command, inform me immediately as you see fit."

"Yes sir, Mr Spock."

With that, the Vulcan exited the room with great purpose in his stride. His captain had been taken and was being held by a strange and dangerous people. No, not his captain, Jim would scold him thinking that way. His bond partner, his t'hy'la, was gone. It caused him a degree of distress that he struggled to control. Despite his inner turmoil, Spock was certain, now, that he knew why the captain had been taken by the Armanan's. As he slipped into his quarters and carefully changed into his black meditation robe, he let his mind send out a silent promise: _I will find you. I will see you again._


	3. Hybrid

**3. Hybrid**

The barely audible crackle of the ship's communicator woke Spock from his meditation a split second before Scotty's thick accent came wafting through the speaker and into his quarters. His head was pounding. For six long hours he had reached out to Jim Kirk, and for six long hours he had experienced a response worse than nothing. Jim was a blank canvas before him. Something – or someone – was standing between Spock and his captain. It had not come as a surprise that Atenus had finally given up, persistent as he was, and yielded to contact the Enterprise. Whatever the Armanan's wanted with Captain Kirk, they had not found on their own. Spock had begun to question whether they truly were the superior race they had initially thought.

The Vulcan had stepped onto the bridge, his cool and collected manner slicing through the weariness and tension of the bridge crew. They had worked tirelessly, searching every shred of information, testing every possibility, desperately seeking an answer that would return Kirk to them. Spock allowed himself only a fraction of a millisecond to indulge in the admiration he felt for these humans, he would allow himself more later, but now he was in command and he wanted his captain back.

Atenus had appeared on viewer, smug and proud as ever, but Spock immediately picked up on the frustration and bewilderment that tainted his expression. The piercing eyes of the Armanan king narrowed as they fell on the Vulcan, his lips pursed with indignation. Spock held his ground, he had mentally wrestled with this creature and the weariness was telling. The Armanan was no match for a Vulcan, their telepathic abilities were only in their infancy of development.

"Perhaps, my Vulcan friend," Atenus began, his tone secretive as though to allude to a hidden message in his words, "you ought to seek out a private place where you and I may talk. Like all my people, I am an honourable man who respects the position of command. I have seen the things in James Tiberius Kirk's mind and I am certain neither you or the good captain would appreciate them being shared with your crew."

Outwardly, there was not a chink in the armour of composure to be seen in the Vulcan. His expression was one of neutral command tinged with a hint of what Scotty had often described as mild boredom, Spock's eyes alone portraying the Vulcan severity his father was well known for. He paused for a moment, more for the benefit of the crew than his own need to consider the request. Spock had already determined the logical course of action. With a simple nod directed at Atenus, he gave the command for the transmission to be directed to his personal computer on a secure line.

"Aye sir," Uhura acknowledged, tentatively offering a cautious gaze with lamb eyes. She was promptly ignored, Spock no longer cared for her human reassurances. With perfect Vulcan tact, he turned and left the bridge.

"Tell me, what does James Kirk mean to you?" Atenus asked with a sly grin. Spock was in no way amused by his games. His distaste for this culture had steadily grown as he realized the extent of their pretense. For all their technology, they barely understood how to use it.

"That question is irrelevant," Spock responded flatly, "a more appropriate one would be 'what does the Enterprise captain mean to Amarna12?"

More secretive grins and low chuckles. Cautiously, Spock utilized the the king's distraction and the connection between the ship and Amarna12 to seek Jim again, slowly…there was something, a brief flicker of his presence, then nothing again. Atenus shook his head.

"You cannot fool me, Vulcan," he said, "we have probed your captain's mind and I know well what he means to you and indeed what you mean to him. I do not presume to know the workings of Vulcan culture –"

"A most logical presumption," Spock intercepted, his tone sharper than he would have liked.

"Tell me, what was it like for a mind like yours to be bonded to such an - inferior - mental being as a human? What possible nourishment could a Vulcan attain from such an emotional species?"

The thoughts and calculations flew through Spock's mind, he grasped them quickly and arranged them in every possible sequential order, tested them and formulated his conclusion. No more than six point three one seconds had passed.

"If you intend to make a point, I suggest you make it."

"You don't remember your brief moments on Armana12, do you Mr Spock?"

Remember? Instantly, Spock reviewed his account of events again. He found nothing to suggest what it was Atenus implied. The Armanan king was grinning ear to ear, deeply satisfied and proud of himself.

"Beam down to my planet, I have something to show you," he said melodramatically, lacing his words with too much mystery for Spock's comfort, "then, you may have your captain, your ship and your freedom. I swear it on my honour as king of Armana12."

It took every fibre of his being to hold back the emotions he struggled to control. The sight of his golden clad captain lying unconscious upon cold steel, writhing with the torments that plagued his mind, was more than Spock could bear. A transparent wall, impenetrably thick, separated them physically, but for the first time in almost two days, Spock could mentally sense Jim's presence. Atenus gestured towards a plain slab that served as a table with two rigid stools on either side. With little else to do, Spock complied and was seated.

"What have you done to Captain Kirk?" the Vulcan asked. Atenus glanced casually at the captain before turning his stare back to Spock.

"He dreams, nothing more. It is an inconvenient side effect of the procedure we performed on him and indeed, on you as well, my dear Vulcan. We had to shut down the captain's ghastly human mind while we copied his physical biology. With you, well, it was your mind that we wanted."

"For what purpose?"

"Why Spock! You surprise me! Surely a Vulcan could ascertain our intentions on so little explanation?"

"I regret to inform you that your perception of Vulcan ability is rather over-inflated."

"Genetic engineering," Atenus hissed with exasperation, somewhat annoyed by the cool manner the Vulcan employed with him. He had hoped that a Vulcan would converse with an Armanan as an equal. Instead, he was met with aversion.

"For many hundreds of years Armana12 has been at war with Xie-Re. We have been forced to develop our technologies faster than we can keep up with just to preserve ourselves from their onslaught. Then the gods smiled upon Armana12 and sent the starship Enterprise. Thanks to your efforts, Xie-Re's main weapon has been destroyed and – coincidently – a new weapon has been offered to us."

"Explain-"

"We Armanan's have always admired the Vulcan race. Long have we endeavoured to achieve such degrees of telepathy and an understanding of logic."

"Logic, sir, is not prevalent in your world as I have seen it," Spock interjected harshly. Atenus narrowed his stare, his eyes betraying the wound Spock had caused his ego. He huffed resentfully before waving it off, attempting to disguise the overt display of emotion from the Vulcan. Armanan's, Spock noted, were a highly emotional people prone to displays of melodrama and eccentricity.

"When we realized there was a Vulcan in our midst, the opportunity was too good to miss. You didn't even realize – from the moment you set foot on this planet – we were slowly scanning your Vulcan brain, copying the biological information. But something happened that we did not anticipate. In the shuttle craft, crossing to Armana12 from Xie-Re, we heard you call out to James Kirk on the orbiting starship, we sensed the link between you! And when I saw the captain on screen, I knew that we had to have him too!"

"You still have not made your point Atenus, what purpose do your actions serve?"

"Now Spock, I am truly disappointed by your deductive performance," Atenus teased, shaking his head before pounding a fist onto the table violently, "soldiers! We need perfect soldiers to defeat Xie-Re once and for all! With a Vulcan mind and the physical prowess of a human specimen such as your dear captain, Armana12 will be undefeatable!"

Spock raised an eyebrow, considering the words of Atenus, scanning for any logic within them. Indeed, there was some, flawed as it may be. The Armanan's planned to genetically engineer a hybrid soldier capable of Vulcan mental discipline and telepathy, high intelligence and analytical thinking capabilities but also as strong, robust and passionate as a human. And not just any human, a starship captain, the very best of starship captains: James T. Kirk. It was a fascinating prospect, Spock had to admit, but in these incapable hands hell bent on war, the outcome could – and would – be disastrous. Atenus was like a child playing with a weapon he did not understand.

"What is it you wish to show me, Atenus," Spock prompted. He could sense Jim more clearly now, he was waking slowly from his turmoil. Atenus realized this too and rose from his place.

"Not yet, my Vulcan friend, she is not ready. Speak with your captain, bring him back to his senses, I want him to see it too."

With that, Atenus turned from Spock and waved his hand. A small gap slid open in the smooth, steel walls and closed again silently behind him. Spock waited for only a moment, listening carefully with both ears and mind, as the footsteps of the Armanan king faded into silence. Then, with a careful haste, he moved to the transparent wall and pressed his hands against it.

_Jim? Can you hear me?_

_…please, no…no…_

_Jim…you must listen to me, follow me._

_Spock?_

_James._

_…can't see…_

_Your eyes are closed. Listen to me Jim, follow my voice._

_Spock…t'hy'la…where…where are you?_

_I am…close t'hy'la. Jim, open your eyes._

_I don't know how…_

_I will help you._

Carefully, Spock felt his way through Jim's mind until he found him, curled like a lost, frightened child in the dark. Humans believed that the soul was located in the heart, but Vulcan's knew better. The heart was simply a muscular pump that performed its prescribed duty. The soul was found in the deepest recesses of the mind, right behind the eyes. He reached out and touched Jim's eyes gently.

_Open your eyes t'hy'la._

Spock couldn't help but allow himself a small gasp when Jim Kirk's eyes opened. He hadn't realized how much he could miss those eyes in only two days. It took Jim a moment to adjust to the blinding light of the room. Disoriented, he turned and carefully crawled off the metallic slab he had been lying on. Spock sank to his knees to meet him as slowly, Jim made his way over to the wall between them. It took so much of the captain's strength to simply lift his hand and press it to the place where the hand of the Vulcan waited for him behind the barrier. He tried to talk, but realized quickly the wall was completely soundproof.

_Spock._

_Conserve your strength. Rest._

_I thought I'd never see you again._

_I know._

_What is this?_

Kirk thumped his fist against the barrier questioningly. His eyes searched it, scaled it, seeking some kind of way to pass through it and reach the Vulcan on the other side. But when he found no such way, his eyes met Spock, tinged with hopelessness and exhaustion.

_We are being held captive. You must rest Jim._

The captain nodded, giving in to the wisdom of his first officer. His body ached from head to toe and he felt dull and flat. Spock was right, he needed to rest. Slowly, Jim leant his shoulder and head against the wall, letting his fingers slide down the barrier as his body relaxed. Spock followed them with his own hand, never breaking what fleeting contact they had. Satisfied that Jim was calm and at rest, the Vulcan tilted his head forward, pressing his forehead against the barrier gently, the golden swirls of Jim's hair splayed in an intricate pattern before his eyes.

_At least we are together._

_I will be right here James. Do not worry._

_I've always loved it when you use my full name._

_Rest._

_I wish I could touch you. Just for a minute. I'm afraid I'm still dreaming._

_Do not be afraid, t'hy'la. I am with you._

_I know._

Kirk woke to find two Armanan guards looming over him, their silver uniforms bright with reflected light. It stung his eyes to look at them. He turned quickly to Spock and was relieved to find that the Vulcan had not moved since the last time Kirk had called out to him from disturbed, fractured sleep. Questions flooded Jim's expression and Spock responded with a reassuring nod. Jim peered into the Vulcan's cell. Atenus was standing by the far wall. Spock nodded again, gesturing towards the guards. Reluctantly, Jim Kirk got to his feet and followed them out of the cold, steel cage they had been keeping him in. Spock thought about this for a moment in wonderment. The captain had been very much like a beautiful, golden canary held captive behind unforgivingly sterile bars.

"Fascinating," Spock remarked, realizing that he had at last achieved a human metaphor. He made a mental note to remember to share this revelation with Doctor Mcoy at a more appropriate time. Surprised again that he had recalled yet another human trait – optimism – Spock concluded that his bond with Jim was broadening his perception of human emotion. Even so, now was not the time to self analyse. Swiftly, the Vulcan made his way towards Atenus, who bowed slightly before disappearing through the gap in the wall, leading the way.

She could not have been more than fourteen years old by human standards. Draped in a white robe and lying motionless on one of the Armanan's horrid metal slabs, she appeared to be a life size porcelain doll. Her round face was framed by jet black curls, the alabaster tone of her flesh in stark contrast to the cherry red lips and long, dark eyelashes. Kirk wondered what colour her eyes were beneath the delicate lids. Hidden in the masses of hair, he could see that her ears were pointed like a Vulcan.

"Her name is Delilah, first of her kind," Atenus explained proudly, "of course, there were other traits we wanted her to have that we could not render from the biological information you provided us with, much of her physical structure and biological makeup were taken from a Deltan woman. Her mind, though, is entirely Vulcan, and her temperament exquisitely human."

Kirk stared at Atenus for a moment, piecing together the information in his exhausted mind. His eyes darted back to the motionless girl and hovered there, transfixed.

"Are you saying," Kirk began, "that that child lying there is…"

"A genetically engineered hybrid, Captain," Spock offered, "consisting of genetic information of the ratio – by my calculations – 1.6 thirds Deltan, 0.8 thirds Vulcan, and 0.6 thirds human."

"My god," Kirk gasped, "and that Vulcan information is from Spock?"

"Why, yes my dear Captain," Atenus confirmed, bursting with pride, "just as the human information is from you."

Jim felt unsteady on his feet. This information was too much for him to register in his weakened state. He couldn't help but wonder what had become of the Deltan woman who made up the final portions of the child before him. He felt sick that Delilah – a creature created from his own genetic information, and Spock's – was to be used as a weapon of warfare. How could they have created her so beautiful for such a purpose?

Jim, pay attention to your legs.

Spock's prompt came not a minute too soon as Kirk felt his knees weaken and buckle beneath him. The Armanan guards caught him before he hit the floor. A pang of resentment took Spock by surprise. Atenus insisted on keeping the Vulcan separated from his captain, and Spock was certain now that his desire for touch was not being usurped from Jim, but founded within himself. He wanted Jim to fall into his arms, where he could keep him close and safe.

"Monsters! You monsters!" Kirk accused the Armanan's in his delirium, "she's a child, not a soldier!"

Spock realized that his dilemma had taken on a new dimension. Jim would never forgive him if he left the girl behind. Indeed, he doubted that he could forgive himself. Spock had no desire or intention to leave the child to her prescribed fate. He would have to rescue them all.

"Atenus," Spock demanded, "you have shown me your creation, now keep your word and return the captain to me."

"As you wish," Atenus responded sincerely, "you and the captain are free to go."

"Atenus," Spock said again in a lower tone, stepping closer to the Armanan king, "return Captain Kirk to the Enterprise. I wish to stay on your planet a while longer if I may, I have questions about your technologies that I am most keen to answer."

As Spock had anticipated, Atenus was flattered. His cheeks flushed a soft pink hue as the excitement brewed and bubbled within him. With a welcoming gesture, the king of Armana12 invited the Vulcan to walk with him freely. He uttered a command for Kirk to be beamed back aboard the orbiting starship and briskly turned to begin his well planned – albeit melodramatic – tour of the Armanan engineering facilities. With his hands folded neatly behind his back, Spock followed and carefully surveyed his surroundings. With only a brief glance as Captain Kirk was transported back aboard the Enterprise, Spock knew he had to work quickly.

_Be ready Jim, we may survive this after all._

_I'll be ready. Spock – don't be long._

_Acknowledged Captain._


	4. A Perfect Mixture

**4. A Perfect Mixture**

Jim Kirk had been contacted by the president of Xie-Re very soon after his return to the Enterprise. What they had discussed came as quite a surprise to the captain. It seemed that the people of Xie-Re were not only an intelligent and peaceful people, they were long suffering under the vicious attacks of the Armanan's. Their culture though technological and scientifically advanced was steeped in private mysticism, indeed with the exception of retaining their acceptance of emotion, the Xie-Rean's were not unlike Vulcans. Unlike the Armanan's, however, the people of Xie-Re knew how to use their technology and above all desired to use it for peaceful purposes. Their jealous neighbours, however, envied them and acted with malice and violence. It began with secret spies and agents infiltrating the government, then thefts of technological data, until finally, the Armanan's had matched Xie-Re's technological capabilities, but had not developed the knowledge of how to correctly apply it.

The great weapon of Xie-Re that Spock had shut down and destroyed was never intended for use, the Xie-Rean president had explained to Captain Kirk, only as a method of intimidation. It had been the only way to keep the small, but devastating, attacks of the Armanan's at bay. Kirk saw the wisdom of the Xie-Rean's in this plan, he could see that they had not and would not otherwise use their sciences for the production of military weaponry. They had no army or military to wield them.

Kirk considered these things carefully. He knew that the genetically engineered soldiers intended by Armana12 would invade Xie-Re with devastating consequences. Not only that, it unnerved him and filled him with apprehension to know that those soldiers would be created from his own – and Spock's – genetic information. He did not desire to contribute to war or weaponry, and he knew the Vulcan would oppose such things even more so. Ethically and politically, Jim Kirk knew that he could not allow this to happen. With a grave sense of reluctant duty, the captain proposed his plan to the president of Xie-Re, his plan to destroy the planet Armana12.

Even as he devised and reiterated his plan to the Xie-Rean's, Jim found himself wishing more than ever that Spock was on board to reassure him that he was doing the right thing. His mind felt weakened and slightly clouded from the ordeal on Armana12, he was uncertain of himself. Well, Jim thought, Spock would be here soon enough. Until then, he had learnt enough about logic from Spock to trust his judgement and make the decision. With the president of Xie-Re in agreement, Kirk returned to the bridge, awaiting the inevitable Armanan attack and the call of his Vulcan.

The Vulcan had taken Atenus by surprise. With a sudden and unexpected strike, Spock had accurately trapped the head of the Armanan king between his hands and immediately began to probe. Having weakened Atenus to the point of – but not quite close enough to – death, Spock took the locations and security codes he needed from the subdued mind of the king. He had what he needed, but there was something the Vulcan needed to confirm, a suspicion that had been growing in his mind since he had beamed down to Armana12. When he was at last satisfied, Spock severed the link of the abrasive meld he had been forced to establish out of necessity. Leaving Atenus in a heap on the floor, he headed back towards the laboratories.

Spock knew exactly where to go, following the mental map he had taken from the Armanan king. Punching in flawless security codes, he entered the genetic engineering facility. It was not hard to find what he was looking for, she was at the center of the room, it's entire focus. The girl – Delilah – was still lying in her motionless, doll-like manner. Spock entered the codes to release her, watching with fascination as strips of metal snapped away from the limbs of the child-soldier experiment and slid away into unseen compartments.

_Jim?_

_Spock! I'm ready._

_Then I suggest you beam us up before the Armanan's intervene._

Indeed, Spock could hear the footsteps of at least twelve men approaching at a rapid pace. He picked up Delilah carefully and waited. In his mind, he calculated the time it would take the captain to give the order, for Scotty to lock onto his co-ordinates, and for the energizing process to initiate. It would be close. The Armanan's were gaining quickly.

Spock felt the tingling sensation in his body sooner than he had expected. He suppressed a smile. So, Jim had been scanning his position well before the Vulcan made contact. A most logical course of action, Spock thought, how ironic that it be driven by such emotion. He made yet another mental note to consider and study this at length later. As his molecules separated and began to float freely, he let his gaze lift to the beaming column that materialized above him. Spock felt himself turn to simple matter, racing with the energy particles upwards at incredible speed. Higher and higher he was drawn until slowly he felt himself being drawn back together upon the transporter pad aboard the Enterprise. He was home. Doctor Mcoy was there to greet him.

"Welcome back," he said with a relieved smile. Spock simply nodded and began to move off the transporter pad. The doctors eyes fell quickly to the unconscious child in the Vulcan's arms. Without hesitation, Bones proceeded with a preliminary assessment of her condition, following alongside Spock as they headed towards the sickbay. Of course, the Vulcan refused to allow the doctor to check him over. He knew this mission wasn't over yet. Spock lay the child on the sickbay cot, leaving her in Bones' capable hands, before promptly making his way to the bridge.

Spock appeared on the bridge moments later, composed and prepared for duty. As the elevator doors closed behind him, he paused for a moment to survey the bridge crew, determining what needed to be done. Having deducted the necessary information, Spock took his place at the science terminal, offering the battle-worn captain only a brief nod of acknowledgement. Though he ascertained that the bridge was neither the place or time to succumb to his affection for the captain, the Vulcan sensed that Kirk was utterly exhausted, doubting himself, and emotionally drained.

_Hello Jim._

_Hello Spock._

"Captain, Doctor Mcoy briefed me as to your agreement with the Xie-Rean's," Spock informed dutifully, not a hint of the softer tone he had used in his mental greeting. Similarly, Kirk maintained his role as captain.

"Opinion-" he prompted.

"An unfortunate necessity, but logic would suggest that it is indeed a necessity."

The captain considered this for a moment. He had waited for Spock's reassurance, but now that he had it, he remained uncertain. Could he condone the destruction of an entire planet? Could he command it? Such hesitation was uncommon in him, but his mind was still hurting from the assault of the Armanan's.

"Mr Sulu – arm phasers," Kirk commanded.

"Yes Captain. Phasers armed and ready sir."

"Mr Chekov-" Kirk continued, "plot a course of your own discretion away from the planet, prepare to leave orbit."

"Aye Captain – plotting course," Chekov replied, going to work at his console. The captain continued to prepare his ship and run through the procedures for the course of action intended.

"Uhura – issue standard warning and surrender communications to Armana12. Mr Chekov?"

"Course laid, Captain. Ready to leave orbit on your command, sir."

"Uhura?"

"All standard signals have been received by Armana12, Captain," she replied, "no response from the planet."

"Spock?" the captain prompted.

"Phaser capacity required for the destruction of the planet calculated Captain," the Vulcan responded, "relaying to weapons and engineering now, sir."

_Is this the right thing to do Spock? God help me, I just can't see my way through it._

_I believe it is the only thing to do. You are a good captain Jim, trust yourself. I trust you._

"Captain," Spock offered, turning to face Kirk, "scanners show no civilian inhabitants on Armana12, only military personnel and technicians. It seems the entire planet is devoted to one thing alone: war."

"And your personal impressions from being on the planet, Mr Spock?" Kirk asked, wanting to be certain. His eyes were thinking, Spock could see the human battle of conscience versus duty in them.

They glorify themselves shamelessly and display little respect for life, Jim. They torment minds and create beings with no true knowledge of how. They do these things with the intent to annihilate their rivals and enter the Federation as fearsome, yet seemingly wise and merciful, warlords. I shall not lament their loss, Jim.

_Do you truly trust me?_

_With my life._

"Armana12 will destroy needlessly and in great numbers at a rate that significantly outmatches the time it will take them to destroy themselves," Spock responded, his words more professionally selected than those he had used privately, "an inevitable result of their use of technologies they do not understand Captain. Logically, it would be in the interest of innocent life and peaceful civilizations to destroy this planet prematurely."

_With your life?_

_I remind you James, that you have my katra._

_When this is over -_

_It will be over soon._

"Mr Sulu – lock phasers on target: Armana12," Captain Kirk commanded. With a brief glance at the captain, Mr Sulu nodded. He understood the burden of conscience carried by Kirk, as the man who fired the phasers, he himself carried part of it too.

"Aye Captain. Phasers locked and armed. Awaiting your command sir."

James T. Kirk stared at the planet displayed on the viewer screen, summoning the moment of courage needed to give a command to destroy. He registered every blinking light on the consoles before him. Everything was ready: weapons, warp drive, navigation, engineering. No communications had been received from the planet, but the frequencies clearly showed that the warning and chance for surrender had been heard by the Armanan's. There was nothing more to be done except to give the order. He was slightly surprised to find Spock standing beside him.

_You are not alone, James._

_This is more difficult than I had expected._

_That is what makes you the good man you are. It should never be an easy thing to take life._

_Spock._

_T'hy'la. Do what you must and do it without self-condemnation. I am here._

"Mr Sulu-" Kirk commanded, his voice grave and low, "fire phasers."

"Well Jim, I don't know what to tell you," Bones began wearily, "except that whoever engineered that poor girl had no idea about biology, anatomy, physiology or anything."

Kirk could see the tiredness in Bones' expression. The doctor had worked tirelessly for four days straight now. Four days…the mission had been relatively short compared to many others, but it had taken its toll on the entire crew. Four long days since Spock had first beamed down to Xie-Re. Four long days since Kirk had felt the physical touch of the Vulcan. Four long, exhausting days. The weight of them had crashed upon the captain as he watched Armana12 implode, leaving nothing more than chunks of rubble glittering in the vacuum of space. He was making the final rounds, gathering the necessary reports from the crew, eagerly awaiting the moment he could retire to his quarters and lower the mask of strength he had to show as captain.

"Explain, Bones, straight to the point if you please," Kirk urged. Bones saw the weariness behind his manner and knew better than to question the captain. He'd wait until Kirk had rested before insisting on a full medical check and physical.

"Well," Bones explained, "her neural activity is off the charts, brainwaves show potential for telepathy, great intelligence, in fact I wouldn't be surprised if she thinks similarly to Spock, their neural frequencies are almost identical. What she lacks in muscle mass is made up for by bone density, I don't think anything could break them easily. Her organs are shot to pieces though. The poor girl is going to need organ transplants her entire life and given her – unique – physiological makeup, I doubt there is an organ in the entire galaxy that will match her permanently. No drug or therapy or procedure I know of will help her regenerate organs, she's going to periodically be a very sick person Jim. I'd give each organ 2-4 years before they fail again, each time. She has a rare Deltan blood type and Jim – she's only the equivalent of a human twelve year old. She err, looks fourteen because her entire endocrine system is dictated by Deltan hormones. I guarantee that she is already sexually mature and within maybe two months will be a fully developed young woman. It goes on and on Jim, it would take all night and half of tomorrow for me to explain everything. The point is, she's an experiment and it'll take time to figure her out."

"Thanks Bones," Jim said with a tired sigh, slapping the doctor gently on the shoulder as he made his way towards the door, "I leave her in your capable hands. Although – when she wakes, alert Mr Spock, I'm sure he'll want to examine her mind in the Vulcan manner, you understand don't you Bones?"

The doctor nodded with a smile that urged Jim to get some rest. With an appreciative nod, the captain complied and exited the sickbay. As he walked down the corridor towards his quarters, Jim Kirk felt a surge of emotion growing in his chest. Stopping by the communicator outside his door, Kirk issued a command to the bridge stating that he did not wish to be disturbed unless it was an emergency, deferring command of the Enterprise temporarily to Mr Scott. He took a deep breath and entered his room. Just as he had expected, the Vulcan was waiting for him.

Before Spock had time to realize it, the captain had him pressed against the wall and engulfed in a kiss that was deep and warm. He shivered as Jim's hands slipped beneath his black meditation robe and slowly travelled up his arms, over his shoulders and back down along his spine, wrapping around his waist tightly. Yielding, he let Jim draw him closer and savoured the pleasant taste of salt that seasoned the lips of the human. Spock searchingly ran his finger along Jim's arm, seeking his hand. When he found it, he gently coiled their fingers together. The gesture provoked a single deep, human sob from the captain, his weight falling against Spock as they slid to the ground.

"I missed you," Jim whispered, brushing his spare fingertips over the Vulcan's cheek before disappearing into his black hair. Kirk loved the smooth, soft texture of Spock's hair, he ran his fingers through it adoringly, purposely tracing the pointed tips of his ears whenever he passed them. The Vulcan simply gazed at his human, his eyes devoid of the barriers that separated logic from emotion. Jim was his bond-mate, he alone was permitted to see what lay beyond. Lifting the hand he held, Spock ran his fingers along Jim's in slow, gentle strokes. With each stroke, a small, electrical sensation followed. Jim knew how sensitive Vulcan's were to touch, the simple motion of finger stroking was immensely intimate to them and he returned the gesture lovingly.

"There are things I – feel – that I do not know how to explain to you," Spock confessed, "like the sensation I experienced in the transporter room many days ago…"

_…I realized – I felt – I thought that perhaps I might never see you again. I did not enjoy this feeling._

"Not all emotions are enjoyable, Spock," Kirk explained gently, pressing their paired fingertips together in the Vulcan kiss, "it is the price we pay for those that are."

_It is not logical to subject oneself to such…pain._

_No, no it's not. But we do._

_For the pleasant feelings?_

_Yes. The pleasant feelings._

_Where do humans experience these pleasant feelings, Jim?_

A moment of thought passed over Kirk's expression. He took Spock's hand and placed it on his chest over his heart. Jim watched as the Vulcan recalled all the information he already knew concerning human emotion, then finally, breaking through to see something further, deeper. He felt a warm glow grow in his chest, Spock was sharing the feelings that Jim kept there. Understanding flooded his dark eyes. With his free hand, Spock slowly brought Jim's fingertips and drew them over his own eyes.

_Your human feelings reside here, as thoughts, in the Vulcan mind. Behind the eyes, deep in the thoughts._

Jim gasped. He had never doubted that Spock cared deeply for him. He knew that in his own Vulcan way, Spock kept something akin to the tumult and euphoria of human love for him. Now, for the first time, he shared it with Jim in its entirety. There was no need to meld, they realized through their bonding that they understood one another perfectly. Spock pressed his cheek against the palm of Jim's hand, expressing an affection contrary to his Vulcan appearance, but one that was nevertheless utterly complimentary to his beauty. A warm tear tumbled down Jim's cheek as he gazed upon Spock, unhindered and succumbing to emotion.

_You are so beautiful._

_James, if you are referring once again to my ears, I really must protest-_

"Spock!" Jim exclaimed with a laugh, delighted by the playful glimmer that danced in the darkness of the Vulcan's eyes.

_Spock._

Leaning forward, Jim kissed him again. Their lips seemed to mingle together for a moment, human warmth against Vulcan heat. Following the soft edges of the material with his fingers, Jim found the length of tie tucked away neatly beneath Spock's black robe, near his collar bone. He tugged at it gently, feeling the loose knot fall away, before letting his hands wash over the Vulcan's shoulders, sweeping the robe back with them. It brushed lightly against the flesh of Spock's back as it fell.

_James. Are you happy?_

_I am. Very happy, Spock._

_Explain it to me, I wish to know how it is for you._

Spock had slipped his hands beneath the gold coloured uniform of the captain and lifted it up and over Jim's head in a single, graceful motion. As he accepted another kiss, the Vulcan carefully pushed Jim backwards, effortlessly coordinating his own movements to ensure that the captain's head was cradled safely against his hand as he lowered him to the ground. They lay together, exchanging brief kisses and two-fingered touches.

"I feel surrounded by you," Jim explained, somewhat breathlessly, "as though your presence were a wave washing over me."

"Tell me more," Spock implored, pulling Jim closer and planting a trail of warm kisses along his neck that steadily travelled down over his shoulders and onto his chest. A low sigh escaped the captain. The heat of Spock's skin felt pleasant to Kirk, even though the night was not cool.

_I feel as though you are a part of me, yet no matter how close I hold you, it never seems to be enough._

_Do you feel that you need to be closer, Jim?_

He felt Spock draw them together tighter and Jim could not help but pull the Vulcan against himself. Thoughts and feelings passed between them as so often did with physical contact. Spock suddenly understood the illogical human desire to be so close to the one they loved that they collided together as one. He understood this, it was the same sensation mind melding stimulated in bond-mates. He had learnt so much from James Kirk that on Vulcan was not understood about humans. It was his opinion that they were not so different after all.

_Closer? Spock, if I had my way I'd never let you go._

_That is illogical Jim, unfortunate as it may be._

_Let's make our own logic, Spock._

_What do you propose James?_

_I love you. I need you in my life, there is no one and nothing I want more than you._

_Even the Enterprise, Jim?_

_Spock, mark my words, there will come a day that I let this ship go to flames for you._

_You are becoming increasingly prone to illogical thought, Captain._

_Then you won't have to point it out after I ask you – Spock, do you love me?_

_I think it is illogical that you have to ask. You know that I do._

Jim smiled shyly. It was a rare treat when Spock consented to admit to the feelings he kept hidden from human and Vulcan eyes alike. It made him forget the years behind them and feel as though it were the first time he had realized that those feelings were there and the Vulcan kept them just for him. Sometimes it was so hard to be discreet and keep their secrets from the crew, it was hard to hide what they had hidden from each other for so long before finally, and accidently, they had found each other in a dream. Deep friendship had turned to deep love over time, awakening amongst the brilliant stars of space. Now, many years later, nothing had changed. The stars burned even brighter, the dreams continued.

"Then I propose, Commander, that in these moments we share, we dictate our own logic," Kirk suggested in a soft voice. The subtle movements of the dark eyelashes that framed Spock's eyes enchanted him. He was prettier than most Vulcan's, the logic softened by the traces of humanity he shared with his mother. Beauty, Jim had determined long ago, was the byproduct of perfect mixtures, whether they be for the better or worse. Spock caught these thoughts from his mind and almost smiled.

"A most logical proposal and a sound hypothesis," Spock agreed, brushing his index finger down Jim's cheek and over his lips.

_I think that you are beautiful, too James. You're parents must have been a perfect mixture._

_We are a perfect mixture, Spock. I have proof._

James Kirk kissed the Vulcan, his hands sliding down over Spock's ribcage. The flesh was slightly different in texture to human skin, softer with a faint powdery quality. Kirk could feel the heartbeat of the Vulcan beneath his ribs, it no longer surprised him when he found it by accident. They had spent many of their early months together fascinated by the differing locations of the organ. Even Spock had admitted that he enjoyed feeling Jim's heartbeat, pounding away at ever increasing rates as the Vulcan touched him. Jim let his tongue roll over Spock's, rising and falling as the kiss was returned and then delivered again. Without breaking away, Spock satiated his curiousity.

_Of what evidence do you speak, James?_

_Why Spock, the beautiful doll that lies sleeping in the sickbay…how I hate saying the word 'sick' when we speak this way._

_It is a harsh word on the mind. And yes, I agree, the child-soldier is indeed pleasing to behold._

_She looks like you._

_And you._

_And yet…_

_Something else as well._

_Yes. The Deltan. That is quite a mixture._

_Quite._

_I feel that we are somehow responsible for her. Well, what I mean is that I think we are obligated…_

_I will take her to Vulcan. The lady Amanda knows well how to nurture a child of many bloods._

_Your mother?_

_Yes. Jim?_

_What is it Spock?_

_Please continue to kiss me as you are. I like it very much._

_On one condition…_

_Which is?_

Jim pulled his lips away from Spock and, with a secretive wink and token charming smile, got to his feet, beckoning the Vulcan to follow. Obligingly, Spock conceded and followed the captain into the darkness of the room adjacent. Reaching out his hand and latching onto the Vulcan, Jim pulled Spock into his bed beside him.

"Fascinating," Spock remarked as he fell against the pillows and soft mattress. Regardless of how many times he experienced it, the human need to conceal their desires behind secretive play and games never ceased to both baffle and amaze him. Jim drew close as though he would kiss Spock again, but stopped, their nose tips and lips hovering together lightly.

_It's been a long and horrible four days Spock._

_Let me make you feel better, James._

Without protest or hesitation, Jim Kirk yielded, sinking into Spock's kiss with a long sigh of relief. He felt himself drift into the blissful, dreamlike state that occurred when so much of his flesh made contact with the Vulcan. It was a satisfying and healing state to be in after his ordeal, their ordeal. It was easy for Jim to forget how much things affected Spock too. He latched onto this thought, eagerly returning the kiss, his hands washing over Spock with both comfort and lust.

_Please do. But Spock -_

_Yes Jim?_

"Let me make you feel better too."


End file.
